I just came back from Tubingen, Germany. It is absolutely beautiful. I cant wait to go back!

At a time where I should be rejoicing, I’m filled with regret. I love my job. I love co-oping. But I love Ccf so much more. I regret the second semester I co-oped so much because I missed out on half of my third year at Tech. This semester has been amazing and I can’t even begin to imagine how amazing the fall semester could have been. But i wasn’t there. I was stuck at home by strict parents. I missed out on amazing people and amazing relationships because of money, because of others’ fear, and because of a cultural aspect that i will never carry on to my future family. This makes me sad. There’s no point at regretting it because I can’t go back in time. But I can’t help but think something like this. How did this semester go by so fast?

Something I’ve learned this semester though- grades matter, but friends matter way more. Choose ccf and friends over homework any day, but be responsible.

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM CELEBRATING THIS FAITH

“kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance to escape.”

one of my new goals is to be tumblr famous. Not that important of a goal, but when i type a long post about faith or friends, or just something fun, i want replys or messages to see how other people look at things. I love learning about people’s different perspectives. So i guess im just going to follow a bunch people and hope they follow back? But seriously. Doing this. haha

Super blessed to have friends i can have really deep and intimate conversations with about faith, and friends that challenge me to learn more everyday. It is really is an amazing thing. 

every freaking retreat i dont want to go at all. Id rather be studying. Not because i love studying, but because i need to do work all day everyday, and get stuff done and do well. That’s how it’s been all semester. Always on edge, always doing work, but still having lots of fun. But a 2 day commitment of no work is hard….but totally worth it. I needed some alone time on friday, so i went to the retreat on saturday. that was the longest day ever. the longest and most amazing day ever. I didnt want it to end at all. Then on sunday (today) i was so upset! It was over and i had to come back to tech and write a paper all about RLC and GLC notch filter circuits. what the helllllllllllllllllllllllllll. what a slap back to reality. But whatevs. This is school. It must be done.

Anyways, the retreat freaking BLEW ME AWAY. Right now im thinking “stop it. no way that was real life”. Ive been on many, many other retreats. But this was just so so intimate. Hanging out with 150 of my closest friends, worshiping our amazing God, and having fun ALL DAY? YES PLEASE. 

I talked with amazing people, and had really deep conversations with people i havent before, and hung out with my frandssssssssssssss, and my paddle boat got flipped into the lake. But that’s okay. And the speakers! Stop. it. right. now. 

Friday night i was laying in bed trying to sleep after an exhausting week. I didnt sleep. Instead i layed in my bed, facedown in my pillow, arms to my side, thinking about how i didnt make any difference in this world. That my life didnt matter. Then i got to the retreat and THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT THAT. That wasnt a coincidence. That was God. Then, to even further more show me that i do make an impact, i talked with one of my really good friends that i hung out with all last summer. He said our whole summer group that hung out was seriously God putting us in his life to show him that HE MATTERS, that HE IS AMAZING AND MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Him telling me that meant the world. It means that we have a living God that gives all that we need for ever and ever and ever.

To make things even better, quite a few of my friends were baptized! Again- is this real life? stoppppp it. this is too good. Watching your friends publicly claim their amazing faith, and taking the leap saying “Yes, God, i really believe in you. And this is me saying I am going to follow you for the rest of your life” IS FREAKING AMAZING. There is a certain joy that comes out of this. This is God.

This retreat was the only retreat where i actually FELT that God was moving all around us. The community at CCF just bring a smile to my face, a flutter in my heart, and butterflies in my stomach. I’m in love with God!!!

But back to the “you make a difference” part. You make a difference. You really do even if you dont know it. I didnt know it, until my dear friend told me yesterday that i totally did when i met him last summer. It’s easy to think we are worthless. It’s easy to think all we do is live our lives then die, not affecting any one around us. It’s so easy to be destructive! But we must grasp to the love that God has drenched us with. DRENCHED US WITH FROM HEAD TO TOE. We do affect so so many people. This is amazing. This is God.

I am royalty. I am a princess because i am a child of the KING. the freaking KING.

You are royalty. You are a prince or princess because you are a child of the KING. the freaking KING.

I’m going to buy a fanny pack so when I go to Germany I can wear it while biking places and look so legit. #sososososososoexcited #KINDEREGGS

I’m going to Germanyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!